My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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