Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
