Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
