idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
