we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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