So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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