i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
