YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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