I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
