Someone shit on the floor
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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