just come out here and I will go home with you...
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
