It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
