So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
