i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
