nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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