Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm passing your future prison.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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