Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
