fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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