my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
