put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i wish my penis had a tongue
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
