I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
handjob tips. give me some.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
