i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
