I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
