He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
