At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
