I want to make a zoo with you.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
