The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
