so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
