so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
