i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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