I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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