I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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