Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
