He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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