I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
