you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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