You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Watching her eat just hurts me
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
