I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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