the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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