She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
