she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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