So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
