I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
there's paper in my vomit.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
