At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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