Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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