I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
