so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
