he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
