Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
