so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I deserve to be covered in dicks
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
