That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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